Let's start with this comment from Dorianegray:
"What I found particularly interesting about this set of examples was that in many cases it was the phrases rather than the stresses used that alerted me to the fact that the sentence was an attack; I wonder if it's because I'm Irish and we wouldn't always stress things the same way as Americans (or any other native-English-speaking group you care to name)? The fact that some of these phrases automatically make me (and other Irish people) think an attack is coming can make having a sensible and productive conversation about an interpersonal problem very difficult at times."
Everything that I write about the VAPs I've identified applies only to American English, and I say that every chance I get. If you go back to the earlier posts you'll find me complaining because for decades I've been pleading with my colleagues in linguistics who speak other languages (including other Englishes) to work out the verbal attack patterns for their native tongues. Without success. They don't think it's important; they don't think it's worth their time. I respectfully disagree.
The lack of information about the VAPs in other languages and other Englishes is a serious problem in medicine, for example, where top-level professionals are often foreigners speaking one of the foreign Englishes, and where there may be large populations of patients who speak a foreign English or no English at all. When I do medical seminars I give the participants two warnings: (1) When you use these VAPs with people whose native language is not American English, you can never be certain that they'll understand what you mean; and (2) when you hear one of these VAPs from people whose native language isn't American English, it's never safe to assume that it's hostile. The medpros come back at me immediately with a request for information about VAPs in the other languages (and other Englishes) they have to deal with, and are justifiably annoyed when I have to tell them I can't provide it. Identifying those patterns can only be done by a native speaker -- either one trained in linguistics, or one working with a linguist -- and there's only one of me. I treasure every bit of information that's given to me about hostile language beyond that of American English; I add it all to my database, and I share it as widely as I'm able. But it doesn't even scratch the surface of what's needed. Of course an Irish brogue [or Scottish intonation, or East English intonation, or (vamp till ready)] is going to introduce confusion as it interacts with the melody of hostile American English. And I know absolutely nothing at all about the grammar of Irish (or Irish English) hostility.
It's also important to remember that within American English a variety of different patterns of stress are possible for each attack pattern, depending on what other words are used and what the attacker considers most important. I can say "If you REALLY loved me, you'd get a JOB" or "If you really LOVED me, you'd get a JOB," depending; if I add a few more words to that, the stresses may have to shift to follow other rules. When you have a grammar of AE stored in your longterm memory, you make all these adjustments automatically and without the slightest hesitation -- but explaining how that's done is a life's work for a linguist. The human brain is a miracle.
Enough for now... I just want to add one quick item to tie this off. Dorianegray also commented that "Some of the phrases that might be used to make it clear that what's coming isn't an attack have been 'hijacked' into the attack lexicon," and she gave some examples, including these two: "I don't mean to make you feel bad, but..." and "Now, don't take this the wrong way, but..." What she's identifying here is an utterance pattern that linguists call a "Hedge." Hedges should always be avoided whenever that's possible, because they're a way of saying something, predicting the response without letting the other person decide what it will be and then responding to that unsaid item, all at the same time. They're very irritating. The prototypical example of a Hedge is "I know this is a stupid question, but...."