March 25th, 2006

ozarque figure

LINGUIStics, even.....

I've said that I consider "even" the most mysterious word in the English language, and I really do believe that it is. Just look at this set of sentences....

1. Even the Martians eat ham.

2. EVen the MARtians eat HAM, for crying out loud!

3. The Martians even eat ham.

4. Don't you even CARE if the MARtians eat HAM?

5. I don't even care if the Martians eat ham.

6. Even if the Martians eat ham, it doesn't MEAN anything.

7. Don't you even THINK about eating that Martian ham, young man!

8. Don't you even think, once in a while, about eating Martian ham?

9. If you move even one INCH toward that Martian ham on the windowsill, you're grounded.

10. If you move even ONE FINGer to pick up that Martian ham, you're grounded.

11. If you move one finger to pick up even that Martian ham, you're grounded.

12. Didn't you even call your mother when that Martian ham arrived?

13. EVen Julia CHILDS would have known how to cook that Martian HAM!

14. Why aren't you even willing to consider the possibility that Martian ham exists?

15. Why aren't you willing to consider even the possiBILity that Martian ham exists?

16. I don't care if even the Martians eat ham.

17. I don't care if the Martians even eat ham.

18. If even the Martians eat ham, what does that imply?

19. What if even the MARtians eat ham -- does that mean Terrans are in danger?

20. You know, even if the Martians DO eat ham, I don't think it matters.

21. You know, even if the Martians DO eat ham, I don't even think it matters.

22. You know, even if the Martians DO eat ham, I don't think it even matters.

23. Why do you even CARE about Martians and ham?

24. Even if I constructed a thousand sentences using "even," I still wouldn't even begin to understand that cottonpicking word.

Mercy.