ozarque ([info]ozarque) wrote,
@ 2008-05-17 07:49:00
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Writing science fiction...
When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, my first thought was to walk quickly past and pretend that I hadn't seen it.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, my first thought was "Cool! An ET trapped in a storm drain! And when I get to school I'll be able to tell everybody I saw it!"

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, I decided to call 911, but then I changed my mind, because you know? It's not safe to call attention to yourself that way. Not any more.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain I bent over and looked into its eyes and saw that it was terrified and in pain, and I thought about the Parable of the Good Samaritan for a minute. But then I thought, "That thing can't possibly be my neighbor," and I hurried away.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, my first thought was that I had to go get it loose from there, fast, but then I thought "If I get it loose, what am I going to do with it?" and I went right on past.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, it struck me that the reason it was trapped was because it had so many arms, and that there was no way it was ever going to get out. Not with all those arms. Or legs. Or whatever they were.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, I knew that it was my Christian duty to find some way to get it loose, even if it meant that I would for the rest of my life be under surveillance, and I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt so that it wouldn't get filthy and be ruined, and I headed straight for the drain.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, my first thought was that it was a very good thing that I had fourteen siblings I could call to come help me rescue it, and a good thing that I had the power of life and death over all fourteen of them, so that they couldn't refuse no matter how scared they were.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, I was so sorry. "Poor little thing!" I thought. And I immediately set up a Tripod Of Power over the drain and began feeding it energy that would draw the ET gently upward without harming it in any way.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, I reached into the drain and gathered the parts of the creature that I could reach into my arms, tenderly, and said to it, "Don't worry; I'll stay with you until help arrives," even though there was no way to know what language it spoke and I wasn't so stupid and ignorant that I expected it to be able to speak or understand English. "Shhhh.... shhhhh," I crooned to it. "Shhhhh... It's going to be all right."

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, I reminded myself that there was no way to know whether it was one of the Fallen or not, and I told myself not to be a bloody coward about that, and I called 911 and said, "Hey... there's an ET -- an extraterrestrial -- trapped in a storm drain here on Baize Avenue, and you better come quick!"

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, I sat down beside it and began untangling its tentacles one at a time, as gently as I could, because I had no idea how badly it was injured and no idea how fragile it might be, and I was terrified that I might make things worse.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, I ran as fast as I could to help it, but before I could get to the drain it had slipped away and disappeared, it was just gone, and I started screaming because I didn't know what to do next.


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[info]snurri
2008-05-17 12:56 pm UTC (link)
I love this.

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Response to snurri...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-17 03:13 pm UTC (link)
Thank you. It was fun to write.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]archangelbeth
2008-05-17 01:03 pm UTC (link)
And each one could tell a different story...

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Response to archangelbeth...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-17 03:14 pm UTC (link)
Yes. If I did it right.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)

Re: Response to archangelbeth... - [info]teapot_farm, 2008-05-17 04:00 pm UTC (Expand)
Re: Response to archangelbeth... - [info]teapot_farm, 2008-05-17 04:02 pm UTC (Expand)
Re: Response to archangelbeth... and to teapot_farm... - [info]ozarque, 2008-05-17 04:29 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]filkertom
2008-05-17 01:29 pm UTC (link)
This rocks very hard, just so's ya know. :)

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Response to filkertom...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-17 03:15 pm UTC (link)
Many thanks...

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]jehannamama
2008-05-17 01:33 pm UTC (link)
Oh my... I want more of several of those, indeed!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Response to jehannamama...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-17 03:16 pm UTC (link)
Thank you; I appreciate that. And of course you could write them yourself...

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)

Re: Response to jehannamama... - [info]londonbard, 2008-05-17 06:46 pm UTC (Expand)
Re: Response to jehannamama... - [info]dteleki, 2008-05-17 08:09 pm UTC (Expand)
Re: Response to jehannamama... - [info]londonbard, 2008-05-18 11:00 pm UTC (Expand)
When YOU see an ET in a storm drain
[info]wyld_dandelyon
2008-05-17 01:46 pm UTC (link)
The first thing you think of is five dozen different stories, and you wonder which one will be most worth telling!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: When YOU see an ET in a storm drain... response to wyld_dandelyon...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-17 03:17 pm UTC (link)
The problem was that there wasn't room in the post for all five dozen....

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]mercuryblue144
2008-05-17 01:47 pm UTC (link)
Wouldn't the automatic assumption be "squid thing" or "octopus thing", not "ET"?

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[info]orbitalmechanic
2008-05-17 02:39 pm UTC (link)
That's a different story, though.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Response to mercuryblue144... - [info]ozarque, 2008-05-17 03:20 pm UTC (Expand)
Re: Response to mercuryblue144... - [info]mercuryblue144, 2008-05-17 03:27 pm UTC (Expand)
Re: Response to mercuryblue144... - [info]wyld_dandelyon, 2008-05-17 04:31 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]ahistoricality, 2008-05-17 06:07 pm UTC (Expand)
Re: Response to mercuryblue144... - [info]sturgeonslawyer, 2008-05-17 08:15 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]aedifica
2008-05-17 01:51 pm UTC (link)
Thanks for sharing this exercise!

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Response to aedifica...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-17 03:20 pm UTC (link)
You're very welcome, and thank you for your comment.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]maharetr
2008-05-17 01:52 pm UTC (link)
When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, I decided to call 911, but then I changed my mind, because you know? It's not safe to call attention to yourself that way. Not any more.

*is tantalised*

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Response to mahretr...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-17 03:21 pm UTC (link)
Thank you; that's good to know.

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Re: Response to mahretr... - [info]vvvexation, 2008-05-18 12:58 am UTC (Expand)

[info]brynndragon
2008-05-17 02:20 pm UTC (link)
A field of colorful storylets on a spring morning is a wonderful thing. Thank you very much.

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Response to brynndragon...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-17 03:22 pm UTC (link)
You're very welcome. And thank you for the beautiful image.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Wow!
[info]ysabetwordsmith
2008-05-17 02:23 pm UTC (link)
Despite the same opening phrase, these are all such different stories and such diverse narrators! I am deeply impressed. This is a wonderful example of how story-of-idea brainstorming can begin, how to riff multiple possibilities off a single concept. That goes on my "Like This" list. Thanks everso for sharing!

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Re: Wow! Response to ysabetwordsmith...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-17 03:23 pm UTC (link)
Many thanks for the encouraging words...

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]voxwoman
2008-05-17 02:56 pm UTC (link)
You see, when I read this, I didn't think that this was a writing exercize or a myriad of different beginnings - I thought this was an avante-garde way of storytelling (and I was thinking "would Analog or Asimov's have the temerity to publish this?").

(and you are the one that doesn't like visual media to cut quickly between multiple storylines. And yet, here is this work of fiction. :-D )

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Response to voxwoman....
[info]ozarque
2008-05-17 03:12 pm UTC (link)
Do you suppose it could be a sign that I'm beginning to learn something from the younger generations? If that were so, I'd be pleased.

When I watched Battlestar Galactica last night, I actually had the feeling -- for the first time this season -- that I was understanding what was happening. It may have been only an illusion, but it was a pleasant change.

Maybe it's a trend. Maybe there's hope for me yet.

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Re: Response to voxwoman.... - [info]conuly, 2008-05-17 03:49 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]undauntra
2008-05-17 03:43 pm UTC (link)
When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, I put a P in front of it and took my new pet home.

(Sorry, I've got the "Silent E" song stuck in my brain.)

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[info]leora
2008-05-17 09:47 pm UTC (link)
Now you're in a Triangle and Robert universe. They find an upside down G that they do adopt as a pet dog... sort of, except that instead of woofing or barking it'll say "woof" or such. But that works in a universe that has characters that are geometric shapes and ... well, I was going to say repeatedly breaks the fourth wall, but it's more like it doesn't have a fourth wall. But you could totally find an 'ET' in a storm drain there and if you had a 'P' you could probably stick it in front and take it home.

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[info]akitrom
2008-05-17 04:01 pm UTC (link)
I find the order you placed them in, from not acting to acting, from cold to compassionate, interesting.

It suggests a passage in time, a movement, an improvement in how people react over time.

It makes me ponder about brain chemicals, and imagine that contact with aliens fixes us in some way.

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Response to akitrom...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-20 12:29 pm UTC (link)
"...contact with aliens fixes us in some way."

That's an interesting idea, and one I'm fond of. Entrainment and resonance.

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(Anonymous)
2008-05-17 04:52 pm UTC (link)
(Michael Farris)

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, my first thought was to wonder how the poor thing managed with only four limbs and two eyes.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, my first thought was to recoil from the stench of a fallen species.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, my first obligation was to recite the 37 names of the Holy Quintet. Unfortunately ... it, expired before I reached the end of the 17th quadrain.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, my first thought was that the young ones would not go hungry that night.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain I realized I was luck to have a spouse who was so clever at hiding snares.

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(Anonymous)
2008-05-17 04:58 pm UTC (link)
(Michael Farris)

That'll teach me to post without proofing. Now with edited goodness.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, my first thought was to wonder how the poor thing managed with only four limbs and two eyes.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, the stench of sin made me realize it was a fallen species.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, my first obligation was to recite the 37 names of the Holy Quintet. It expired before I reached the end of the 17th quadrain, which complicated matters.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, my first thought was that the young ones would not go hungry that night.

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain I realized I was lucky to have a spouse who was so clever at hiding snares.

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Response to Michael Farris... - [info]ozarque, 2008-05-20 12:31 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]dteleki
2008-05-17 05:07 pm UTC (link)
And so, when in the plane of reality, I finally saw the ET trapped yet again in that storm drain for the first and last time, I knew that I had lived through this experience not just once, but over and over and over and over, and had lived through the consequences many times too. Praise God, I thought, which in its wisdom and compassion has revealed to me BEFOREHAND the possibilities open to me, so that for once in my life, when it really matters, the very first time around I know enough to choose the one that is RIGHT.

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[info]kelsied
2008-05-17 05:57 pm UTC (link)
Oh, I like this! It's clever!

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[info]kelsied
2008-05-17 08:05 pm UTC (link)
On second reading, I really LIKE the fact that not all of the reactions are totally self-interested and at the expense of the alien's well-being.

It's nice to see nice people too sometimes. Even if they are generally less likely to result in exciting drama later on.

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(no subject) - [info]ysabetwordsmith, 2008-05-18 02:43 am UTC (Expand)

[info]igpykin
2008-05-17 06:33 pm UTC (link)
This is kind of brilliant.

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Response to igpykin...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-18 12:16 pm UTC (link)
Thank you.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]londonbard
2008-05-17 06:57 pm UTC (link)
When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, my heart wrenched in pity even as I remembered the warnings of the elders. I went toward it, and the mournful purple eyes wept as it watched me come. It watched my hand with what seemed like understanding when I reached toward it - and then it happened ...

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[info]feonixrift
2008-05-17 07:03 pm UTC (link)
The first thing that came to mind, for me:

When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, I recognized it as Sam Starfall [*] and carefully didn't affect any rescue until my wallet was at a safe remove.

* Cheerful alien klepto from the Freefall comic. Is an ET squid.

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[info]amanuensis1
2008-05-17 09:29 pm UTC (link)
Ooh, the ending--such a wrencher. Loved the whole thing!

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Response to amanuensis1...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-18 12:17 pm UTC (link)
Thank you. I had a hard time deciding how to do the ending.

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[info]treadpath
2008-05-18 01:27 am UTC (link)
I love this!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Response to treadpath...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-18 12:18 pm UTC (link)
Thank you.

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[info]phantomcranefly
2008-05-18 02:20 am UTC (link)
So cool! I love the progression of emotion in it.

That would be a really good writing exercise for a class, too: give everyone that sentence and have them write out what they really would do, and then go around the circle sharing. Then discuss grabbing first sentences, like your Ozark story on your other site. ('Grabbing' is meant to be an adjective there. I looked back at it and realized it looked like a verb, and wondered how people would take hold of these sentences.)

As a completely random sidenote, ordinary English looks a bit like an alien language when your fingers are shifted over a key without realizing it, and there's probably a story in there, too. Maybe someone finds a document and thinks it's a transcription of an alien language, and they give it to someone and they figure out that someone had their fingers over a key. Or maybe some group develops a code that means something different depending on which direction and how far your fingers are shifted.

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Response to phantomcranefly...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-18 12:20 pm UTC (link)
It would be a good writing exercise, yes, especially if there's a careful analysis of each example so that everyone can understand how the information is bouilloncubed into it.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]judith_s
2008-05-18 05:28 am UTC (link)
I really liked this.

Although I have to admit that the "Christian" duty felt was rather jarring. Not sure why.

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Response to judith_s...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-18 12:22 pm UTC (link)
Thank you. For me, the parallel with the parable of the Good Samaritan -- with the "good" people who just walked on by without helping -- was a major plot component, and I suppose that brought "Christian duty" inevitably to my mind.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]voidampersand
2008-05-18 10:38 pm UTC (link)
When I saw the ET trapped in the storm drain, I thought Jim Macdonald might know what to do to rescue it without hurting it. And [info]ozarque might know how to talk to it...

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[info]ethesis
2008-05-20 01:32 am UTC (link)
I love the way all the implications work.

"no way to know whether it was one of the Fallen..."

A short and brilliant piece of work, but everyone has already said that.

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Response to ethesis...
[info]ozarque
2008-05-20 12:33 pm UTC (link)
Thank you.

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