Linguistics; pragmatics; Cows In Your Front Yard, and Computer Mode
wilfulcait commented:
"I probably should know this, but how would you address the cow issue in computer mode?"


The problem is that your neighbor's cows are in your front yard, and you -- not a native speaker of Ozark English -- know they need to be retrieved and returned to that neighbor's pasture. So, using Computer Mode as a communication strategy, you could say any one of these ten things, just for starters:

1. "Well, cows in the front yard are always a problem."
2. "Nobody needs cows in their front yard."
3. "Watching the cows in the front yard heading for home is always a pleasure."
4. "Cows in the front yard .... that's always going to be a messy situation."
5. "As everybody knows, cows that can make it to the front yard can make it to the highway."
6. "The only safe place for a cow is its own pasture."
7. "Cows in the front yard are about as useful as Congress in session."
8. "Even people who are fond of cows don't want them in the front yard."
9. "Cows in the front yard can ruin anybody's day."
10. "Garden ornaments in the front yard are one thing; cows in the front yard are a different thing altogether."

The pattern for Computer Mode -- whether you're dealing with cows in your yard or any other problem -- is simple: Use neutral intonation and body language; avoid all personal language; use abstractions and generics and platitudes; focus on the behavior rather than on the person. The goal is to say something that is courteous, that is appropriate, and that no reasonable person is likely to disagree with.


That's why the following sentence -- in which the word "you" occurs but is the equivalent of the formal "one," and not in any way personal -- is so useful as an all-purpose utterance:

"Well, you can't tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks."


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Note: Credit for the Computer Mode pattern -- but not for the train-track utterance -- goes to therapist Virginia Satir.